You Say You Want a Resolution?

Jim Haynes' now defunct pet project, TheVillage of The Paris Arts Club, 8 rue Nevers, Paris, 6me, France (December 2000), Photo: Marco Polo

The New York Daily News' Page Sixgossip column reports that Kaiser Karl Lagerfeld, "who dropped from 227 pounds to a scarily svelte 135, advises, 'At dinner parties, slide the food to the center of the dish and later squeeze it all together on the side of the plate. So as not to offend the host, occasionally put the fork to your mouth and make believe.' "

Yum. Now let's make that a Futurists' menu and all of the world will be perfect! To whet your appetite, here's just a taste of what's to come:

Aerofood (formula by the Futurist Aeropainter Fillia)

The diner is served from the right with a plate containing some black olives, fennel hearts and kumquats. From the left he is served with a rectangle made of sandpaper, silk and velvet. The foods must be carried directly to the mouth with the right hand while the left hand lightly and repeatedly strokes the tactile rectangle. In the meantime the waiter sprays the napes of the diners' necks with a conprofumo of carnations while from the kitchen comes contemporaneously a violent conrumore of an aeroplane motor and some dismusica by Bach.

--from The Futurist Cookbook (La Cucina Futurista) by Filippo Tommaso Marinetti, 1932 (translated by Suzanne Brill)